I am looking for advice for looking after others (or maybe for communication in general).
I am a newly promoted senior engineer in my company and manage a new job for my company. It's been 2 months and it has not been fun.
I've found that my relationship with the engineer is quite opposite. I'm not even sure how to describe it, so here are some comments:
- He is confrontational – Whenever I give him contradictory feedback in his pull requests, he often comes by and says, "Hey, do you want to talk about it?"
- He is very determined – In conversations, he has proven to be principled. However, I often disagree with his decisions and it is very difficult to convince him that he is wrong. It's stressful for me as it happens on a daily basis.
- He is a bad communicator – English is his second language, and the conversations I had with him were difficult … He is stoical with his rationalizations, and it is very difficult to change his mind.
- He is ambitious – I feel like he's always trying to annoy me. Whenever I speak, he would always try to follow something.
- His way is better – When we get into a disagreement and come to a dead end, his resolution has always been, "Let's just merge and see how it goes." I let that happen a few times.
I understand that communication is a one-way street. All the above points can easily be an example of how bad a communicator I have been. I have tried the following:
- Recruitment of a third-party arbitrator – There was a heated discussion that led nowhere. I decided to get another senior engineer into the company to give a third opinion.
- Appeal to the convention – Apparently he does not appreciate my feedback very much, so I leaked some blog post links for disagreements.
I'm really stressed out. It is common for our discussions to deteriorate into arguments where both sides believe that their side is the right one.
What techniques can I use to improve the situation?